Friday, April 6, 2012

I've been so busy this week!  I keep thinking of lots of things to blog, and I write myself a quick note and say, 'self, blog about this when you have time'.  But Self hasn't had time. :(  So I'm slowly catching up...

I had both ends worked on this Monday! 
I hadn't had my eyes checked since I was 12 (can you fucking believe that was 18 whole years ago?! damn, I'm old).  I went to see the optometrist, Dr. Angelface.  Let's pause for a moment and explore why he's called that, 'k?  So my friend Caroline who lives in Gibsonville (which is relatively close to the Mebane--it's pronouced 'me-bon-e', or 'meh-ben', but please god don't say 'me-bane'--where I live) had her eyes checked out by this guy in Burlington (also in our 'hood) and LOVED him.  Super sweet, super young (for a doctor that's not a resident or a fellow), and gave her lots of free things.  Caroline, being the saccharine southern sweetheart she is, dubbed him 'Dr. Angelface'.  Two weeks after Caroline's appointment, I get one of those coupon books in the mail (you know the ones with all the local places in them), and the very one on top was a coupon for $100 off a new pair of glasses and Dr. Angelface's little baby face right square on it.  So I say 'OK, Universe, I'll go get my eyes checked!'.  

So I went with my little coupon, thinking I wouldn't need it anyway because I've never had glasses and I don't intend on starting now, and it's just a $20 copay for the exam anyways.  I go in, and Dr. Angelface takes me back (and he seriously does look like a little boy playing doctor.  Caroline says 'bless his little heart'.  she makes me squee.) and we sit in a dark room and talk about my eyeballs for a while, and we poke at them and blow air in them and take pictures of them and I look in the little peep holes and recite letters and all that jazz.  He spent about an hour with me face to face--rare these days with any type of western medical doctor, but he's still young, and not yet jaded and bitter--and by the end we decided that I have astigmatism, and I've probably had it for ever and have been ignoring it/not noticing it until recently.  Yay.  The picking out frames for my new old lady glasses took almost as long as the eye exam itself (I had no idea I'd have so many choices!  I think in most any given situation we have too many choices of what to buy, but that's a whole other blog post).  Anywaysies, I picked out these!

They are blue. They have alligators on them.  Yes.  I'm excited and feeling old!  I pick them up on Monday.  Fun times! 

 Now on to my other end:
(spoiler alert/caution: I talk about IUDs and my menstrual cycle.  you may want to close one or both eyes.  or if you have a glass eye--wink to KJ--then just take that one out and let it roll around on the floor.)

So after I had Zoe, we didn't want to have another baby five minutes after that (Jeremy and I can't stand too close together or we make babies), so I had the Paragard IUD put in--it's copper and non-hormonal, thought it would be awesome.  Turns out it just made me have super long, heavy, painful periods.  No funs.  So I had that sucker yanked out, and had the Merina IUD put in--it works by releasing local progesterone, thought that would be awesomer (one of the side effects of progesterone is lighter/shorter periods).  Turns out that one stopped my menstrual cycle all together, and I hadn't had a period in over 6 months.  Way more no funs.   My body was stagnant, I was a hormonally-charged crazy person, I was tired all the time, and just felt like shit.  So the lovely Rachel at the Women's Birth Center in Chapel Hill (I highly recommend the gals there--they do prenatal visits as well as well-woman care and even primary care, and are fantastic) yanked that one out too.  Enough.  I'm done with hormones.  I'm done with controlling my body with fake things.  I have never in all my life looked so forward to a period than I did this week.

I know (if you're a dude, or a lady who has trouble with your cycle), you're probably thinking, 'no periods?! that's awesome!'.  It's actually not.  I'm 30, and it's taken me most of my life to realize two things: 1. our society has created a huge stigma for women about having periods, and most women are brainwashed into thinking our periods are something to either be ashamed of, fear, or associate with discomfort, dirtiness, or some other negativity.  2. being a woman and having a period is AMAZING. and beautiful and magical.  Our bodies are in rhythm with the moon.  The fucking moon.  How amazing is that?!  Women have this wonderful opportunity to be in communion with the earth, to participate so intimately with the cycle of life and the Universe (whether you're pregnant or having babies, or not having babies and just having periods).  To go through a cleansing and renewal every single month.  How could that possibly be a bad thing?  But alas, we tend to fear what we do not know.  

The moral of the story?  Ladies, don't put yourself in the red tent.  Don't fear your own power as a female.  You don't have to be bombarded my synthetic hormones.  Having your period every month is not only healthy for you, it's also very emotionally freeing and abundantly empowering.  If your period isn't making you feel as such because it's too heavy, or too painful or too whatever else, then there's lots of things you can do about it that don't involve making yourself synthetically temporarily sterile and hijack your body, just ask me (seriously. e-mail me.).   Bleed.  Renew.  Be proud.  Celebrate your amazing self.  Dudes/partners, be cool with other birth control options (there's alot of them out there--some just for YOU, too. Google that shit.). Be supportive and respectful of our bodies.  Appreciate all the mind-boggling things a woman's body can do.  And most of all, let's love each other, and ourselves. :)


  1. After I have a kid (here's hoping we're less than a year out, haven't started trying yet) I'ma get in touch with you because there's gotta be a way to balance respecting my femininity with not feeling like total poo 7 days a month. Which I do now, even on hormones.

    1. You don't have to feel like poo! (even while you're on hormones). In fact, not feeling like poo with your menses is more conducive to baby-making to begin with.